Although I don't blog a lot, when I do it is usually on my Myspace page.  Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, I'll post some of my blog entries here.

This one is "I'm Proud of You" from October 23:

According to my friend Kristin's "deployment wheel," I am in the emotional disorganization stage of Mike's IA.  With that said, the last couple weeks have been tough; I am feeling more sensitive and vulnerable than usual, I am overreacting to normal things and feel like I am an emotional wreck.

I just received a forward with the following YouTube clip and it made me cry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0

The spouses' organization that I belong to has adopted a platoon, a group of 35 soldiers (men and women), who are deployed to Iraq until August.  We received an email from one of the soldiers upon their receipt of a care package we sent with personal care items and Halloween candy.  They have been in Iraq for 5 months and for some of the soldiers, our package was their first piece of mail.  This is outrageous and this video reminded me of that.

I am proud of my husband for what he is doing in Iraq.  He is serving his country and he is finding his work to be meaningful and fulfilling.  I am well aware of worse situations he could be in, but I still worry and I still wish he were here with me.  My political beliefs and my opinion about the war on terrorism has nothing to do with my patriotism and my support of all military personnel.

This one is "Beluga Contact Experience" from October 6:

Argh, I just wrote a huge post about this morning's experience at the Beluga Contact Program at Mystic Aquarium, but as I was previewing and posting, Internet Explorer stopped responding and shut down.  Now ready to scream and cry at the same time, I have no energy to write such a lengthy post again.

Instead, here are the highlights: it was absolutely amazing and one of the bext experiences of my life.  I wish Mike had been there but I am so appreciative that my mother-in-law experienced it with me.  There were 6 of us, the trainer Lynn and Inuk, the sole male beluga whale and largest (13 feet long and 1800 lbs).

We got to rub his back, which feels like a hard-boiled egg after the shell is removed, feel his "melon" forehead which is squishy and which he can move around (like how we raise our eyebrows), touch his teeth and tongue and also feel his rails, which are the "love handles" that male belugas have.  Inuk made noises through his blowhole and also spit at us (in my first post, I recounted being spit at by a beluga last fall while minding my own business).  Besides the professional photos taken, a staff member took photos with a disposable camera I had brought, and my father-in-law took photos from further away so I will share all those soon.  It was just awesome.

Note to self: write blog entries in Word, save occasionally and then copy into this space.

Finally, this is "Ripping off the Band-Aid" from September 28:

I'm flying to Columbia, South Carolina this evening in order to see Mike tomorrow afternoon.  The scuttlebutt is that he'll have leave until sometime on Sunday so we'll be able to hang out for a decent amount of time.  I fly home on Monday afternoon.

I'm nervous about the flights, the transfers, renting a car, driving in an unknown city, locating my hotel past midnight and then getting onto Fort Jackson.  But, the part I'm most worried about is seeing Mike again and then having to say good-bye again, this time for 6 months.  His parents and I dropped him off at Bradley almost 2 weeks ago and I cried alot then.  Since he's left, school has kept me busy and I've been able to talk to him every night, so it hasn't really sunk in yet.  This weekend will be another good-bye, more tears, and it's like I'm reopening a wound, ripping off a Band-Aid.  This will be the last time I see him until late April and it's going to hurt.

I am cognizant that there are military families whose servicemembers are deployed for a lot longer periods of time, or whose deployments occur at a more frequent basis (submarine wives are amazing!), and I know that 6 months without my husband is not as bad as it could be.  I'm trying to keep it all in perspective.  I know we'll get through it, but I just hate good-byes, hate having to walk away from someone and not knowing exactly when I'll see them again.  I hate crying, especially in public and even especially in front of Mike.  But I know I'll cry this weekend, I know it'll be hard, but I also know that I have wonderful family and friends who will help me through it, who will make me laugh, who will let me live vicariously through them, who will let me be anal about making plans and who will love me no matter what.